When I Was Assaulted Abroad, Here Are the Steps I Took to Heal Myself
Trigger Warning: Assault
As non-male travelers, we live uniquely gendered experiences. No matter where we are, women’s safety is an ever-relevant topic. Thanks to technology, we are more connected to information about traveling to different parts of the world.
I had never been assaulted until I came to Nicaragua, the safest country in Central America.
I have traveled to several different countries and put myself in much riskier situations, so I did not expect to be assaulted at knife point in the morning as I ran up the huge hill.
I was wearing headphones, as I do on my typical morning runs, but I had no electronics with me. I wear headphones to avoid catcalls, so men will think I can’t hear their sexual and lewd comments.
My attacker pulled out a knife and felt through my pockets. He knocked me to the ground and kept searching them, hoping to walk away with an iPhone. Ten seconds later he realized I had nothing of material value on me. He walked away with nothing, and I was physically fine, but I had the emotional consequences to deal with.
As soon as I came home, I felt extremely unsafe. Instead of my post-run feeling of accomplishment, I was petrified. I didn’t know what to expect after an event like I had just experienced.
Still, I vowed not to let this experience stop me from living and exploring this beautiful country. Just as I didn’t expect to be assaulted in a country where I feel relatively safe, I didn’t expect to recover immediately.
I did realize the importance of taking steps to heal, so I learned what to do after an experience like mine.
Here are the steps I took to help me recover from the assault:
1. Report the crime.
After being assaulted, I immediately called my Peace Corps Security manager and reported the crime. The hardest part of it all was admitting what had happened. I have never said the words,
I was assaulted at knife point.
I described the attacker as much as I could, and after reporting the assault, it was easier to process what happened.
If you find yourself the victim of an assault, reporting the attack to the police is also a good option. Even if the assailant is never caught, reporting helps others become aware of safety issues.
2. Write about it.
As soon as I reported the crime, I wrote down exactly what happened, to further acknowledge it. Writing has always been a form of therapy for me. After a few days, I wrote a powerful letter to my attacker in order to quell the thoughts of what I should have or could have done.
I don’t really believe in the concept of full closure, but psychologically engaging my attacker in a final dialogue and forcing him to listen to me made me feel as if I was able to process everything that happened to me and to gain some form of closure.
3. Don’t do it alone.
As an introvert, I usually thrive on alone time, but not after an assault.
I immediately called my friends, who came right away to keep me company. I told them that I felt like I’d gone through a break-up, and they reassured me that I was feeling as if I’d broken up with my feeling of safety. They had undergone worse attacks than I had in their lives, and we talked about things that we wouldn’t have normally broached in conversation. I was so reassured because I wasn’t alone.
A few of the people who supported me did so from afar. I reached out immediately to a few people with connections to Wanderful for online articles and resources. One of those was Leanna. I felt comfortable reaching out to her because she had been assaulted and was not afraid to write about this personal issue so publicly. She inspired me to be open about healing and to let others know they are not alone.
Delia reminded me that, although I wasn’t physically harmed, this was a traumatic experience and that I am more than worthy of self-care.
4. Be okay with your recovery time.
The first day was the worst. I had an insane amount of flashbacks. My mind kept replaying every little thing that had happened and how I felt in those 10 eternal seconds of my attack. I didn’t know when the flashbacks would stop, but I decided to be okay with it. I was also okay with crying at random times because I knew it would pass. I knew I needed to give myself the time I needed to process what had happened.
5. Talk to a therapist.
After my assault, I spoke to a therapist every day for three days. She helped me to come to terms with what happened and to process it further. I don’t usually seek out therapy, but I knew I couldn’t do this alone and that I needed to have a better idea of what to expect. Calling a therapist is still awkward for me, but I know that it is worth it. I don’t enjoy appearing weak, but I know that the short-term discomfort of reaching out for help far outweighs feeling too ashamed to reach out in the first place.
My therapist let me know that my flashbacks were a normal, bodily response and that, with time, they would decrease.
Avoid listening to social stigmas of feeling “ashamed” that this happened to you. It wasn’t easy for me to write a descriptive blog post about my experience. The hardest part was clicking “publish,” but it was worth it.
I broke the silence about assault. Friends and acquaintances reached out to me, offering words of solidarity and comfort. I reminded myself that vulnerability is not weakness. We fear being vulnerable because we fear rejection, but I have learned to push past this fear and embrace my vulnerability.
Hopefully, you will never need to heal yourself after an assault. But you may encounter a friend who could really benefit from your support. If you do need this list, know that what you experienced is not your fault. Repeat that a hundred times to yourself if you need to.